If I had it to do over again, vocation wise that is, until recently I thought that I'd like to be a pizza delivery guy. Or else the guy that puts those little oval labels on fruit. But not a shoe salesman. I tried that once during summer vacation in my high school days. I didn't do too well at that. It was easy when guys came into the store. They already knew what they wanted. All I had to do was find the right size and bingo!...I had a sale. I cringed when a woman would come in. Mostly they didn't know what they wanted. They'd give me an idea of the colors they preferred and sometimes the type of heel, but that was it. I knew that when the ordeal was over they'd walk out empty handed and I'd have a dozen pair of shoes to put back in the boxes and return them to the storeroom. Some of the other guys were pretty good at convincing the women that the shoe they had just put on their foot might as well have been designed especially for them. I couldn't get the hang of that. I'd usually say something like, "Mam, I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're looking for." Which resulted in no sale and a few weeks later no job.
But I can't go back in time and it's too late for me to begin another career, and besides that I've changed my mind. Today I would advise any young person to pursue a career in investigations. I haven't read or heard anything about it but I'm sure that there has to be a tremendous shortage of investigators. Think about it. Pick a news item, any news item and I guarantee that the word investigation will be attached to it. Anything that is said, done or even contemplated is or will be investigated.
A school crossing guard in Nowhere Georgia shows up two minutes late and an investigation is immediately launched regarding the school's road crossing policies, the municipality's hiring practices, the company that manufactured the guard's alarm clock, and Trump and/or Biden's possible malfeasance in this "...horrendous neglect of our children's safety!". Civil investigations will be triggered by attorneys representing the parents who have filed suits due to the severe mental anguish they have suffered. It is a documented scientific fact that large doses of money combined with valium greatly reduces mental trauma. And in the end the crossing guard will be fired, write a book, and do the guest speaker thing on various commentator's programs.
The biggest demand for investigators is in politics. Politicians are not sent to Washington to conduct business, but to call for investigations. In the case of the Democrat and Republican parties, they employee an army of investigators to investigate each other. The committees appointed to oversee the investigations are themselves investigated. The investigations have little to do with the pursuit of truth. Rather, the intent is to place blame...to smear the other side of the aisle
There are many universities, both on-line and brick and mortar offering degrees in criminal investigation. I did a quick search to see if I could get an estimate of open political lawsuits. I found one (a questionable site I will admit ) that says that the number of political suites in process exactly equals the number of miles between the earth and the moon (when the moon is at its perigee).
I don't know what the starting salary for a new investigator would be, but I'm sure that it's more than a pizza delivery person or the guy who puts labels on fruit. It could even exceed that of a shoe salesman. So to you young readers, if there are any of you, don't hesitate. Get into investigations, and especially political investigations. Besides the big bucks you get to meet fascinating people like Trump, Biden, Santos, Harris, MTG, and AOC. Well, you may not see that as a benefit but it could get you some publicity.
I just may hire an investigator myself. I have been seeing a number of powder blue cars on the road lately. Or sky blue if you prefer. And the paint looks like the chalk paint that is so much in vogue these days. They look like custom paint jobs. Why would anyone do that? It is the ugliest car color I have ever seen. In fact I haven't seen anything uglier since the days when women wore colored pantyhose. There were black, red, purple and every other color legs under the sun. To me the women looked like they were on their way to audition for a clown job in a circus. I might even hire a investigator to find out who was responsible for making women wear those pantyhose. I can't believe that they would do that voluntarily. So here's an opportunity for a fashion investigator to solve the Great Pantyhose Caper. The trail may even lead to Washington.
