The title of this post came indirectly from the varying viewpoints regarding who won the first presidential debate. Specifically, how can people of equal education and intelligence arrive at polar opposite conclusions? How can a Trump supporter say that it is unquestionably obvious that Trump was the clear winner, while Biden supporters tout that it is as plain as the nose on your face that Biden triumphed? And from several articles and commentaries I've read there is a third group who feels that nobody won and the country lost. How can people who watched that debate arrive at such vastly different opinions? To me the only explanation is that the decision/conclusion as to who won wasn't made during or after the debate. We see what we want to see, and what we want to see was decided years ago through an evolutionary process that I believe works like this: impression leads to belief leads to value leads to attitude leads to behavior. Let me try to explain.
Impressions aren't based on much of anything and because of that are often proven wrong and discarded. It is when future events seem to confirm an impression that the impression becomes a belief.
A belief is an idea that a person holds as being true. That doesn't mean that the belief is true. A person can base a belief on certainty (fact), probability (likely to be true) or faith (what someone wants to believe). Beliefs can come from mentors (including parents, relatives, friends, teachers, etc.), religious faith, education, experience and culture. Beliefs can change over time, depending on how open a person is to new information. I think that generally speaking, the older we get the more difficult it is to accept or even listen to anything that challenges our beliefs.
A long standing belief becomes a value. Our values determine what is important to us, and guide us in the decisions we make. Our beliefs and values determine who we are and how we view ourselves. But because values are based on beliefs that may or may not be true, it's possible and even probable that we may not be the same person tomorrow that we are today, but again, that change is dependent on our willingness to consider ideas/information that may be contrary to our values.
Values and beliefs determine how we see ourselves, but also how others view us through our attitude and behavior. Our attitude determines how we view a circumstance, situation or person. Our behavior is how we physically act toward that circumstance, situation or person.
So based upon my humble theory, those who say that Trump or Biden won the first debate didn't make that decision during or immediately after the debate. Their decision was made years ago by the people and influences that formed their beliefs and values, and how their resultant attitude viewed the event. Those are the factors that make us predictable...predisposed to think and act in a prescribed manner toward a situation or person. A die-hard political party member will vote for their candidate in 2024, 2028, 2032 and onward no matter who he/she is or what the candidate espouses.
Okay, so all of the above is my explanation as to why two people of equal intelligence can hold contrary viewpoints, but that leads to another question that I don't have an answer for. Does having opposing opinions preclude two people from maintaining old friendships or establishing new ones?
I could but won't site examples, including some of my own, of friendships that have become strained or have even ended over opinions of Trump and Covid 19. I don't understand why. To me a friendship is based on many factors, both tangible and intangible. A true friendship should be able to withstand and even grow from differences of opinion. I've commented several times about my old hunting camp days and I need to go back to it again to illustrate my thinking.
There were six men in our camp. Two were atheists, the others theists. Two were politically liberal (a different two) and the others conservative. Sometimes we would discuss these differences and how we arrived at them. Discussed is the key word. We never argued about them...never tried to impose our beliefs on each other. There wasn't right or wrong, true or false, good or bad. Just different opinions. Those friendships and respect for each other remained strong.
To further illustrate what I'm getting at, for the moment let's assume that I am one of those "two people of equal intelligence" I've referred to, and you the reader are the other one. You are a Trump supporter, I'm not. Let's talk about it over coffee and a hamburger. I'd be interested in hearing how you came to hold your belief. And if you'd care to hear it I will explain my anti-Trump reasoning to you. After we've talked that subject through let's have a beer in my backyard and talk about that new rod and reel combo you bought.
Or, if you don't like that scenario, we could emulate our respective presidential candidates and attack each other...shouting, name calling, maligning family members, lying, and distorting and ridiculing each other's opinions, followed by vowing never to speak to each other again. But if we're going to go that route, we should probably first redefine the terms intelligence and maturity.
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